Enjoyment.

I realized the other night that I really enjoy my life. For a long time, I think I was stuck in a holding stage. I got into a bad relationship and after that I am not sure if I was afraid of men, of myself, or of falling in love. But I was afraid. It took me a year, a relationship that was all wrong for me, and telling someone that I still loved them for me to realize what I was doing to myself. I realized that I would sabatoge any relationship that I would ever have if I didn't take a little time for me to get over every bad and good relationship in my life. And it is kinda funny. It took a relationship that I never should have gotten myself into in the first place for me to realize that I could trust other people, that I should trust myself and that falling in love was a lot less scary than never falling in love again.
So now, I am at peace with myself. I can honestly say that I will try my hardest to trust myself above everyone else. I will trust my first instinct instead of ignoring it complete as I have done in the past. Every time I did, it led me into trouble. And now I've met someone and my gut is telling me to go for it. So I guess I should. I should jump into the romantic waters and see just how far the river will take me. I just hope that they will lead me to warm waters, I don't know how much more heartbreak I can stand.
Enjoying life seems to be about trusting your instincts. They might lead you wrong, but at least you know that at one point it was everything that you wanted. And if it is what you want, it might just lead you down the road of happiness.